If you’ve ever noticed signs of cheating from your partner, you probably know that horrible, nagging feeling that something is wrong. Signs of cheating spouses can be big or small, obvious or subtle. The difficulty of identifying and understanding these indicators isn’t helped by the fact that emotions and cheating “aren’t always black and white,” explains Samantha Burns, a couples therapist and author of The Wrap Up. and Return. “Cheating can be both physical and emotional and is a violation of hidden or overt boundaries in your relationship.”

“Cheating is secretive, so the person is doing everything they can to keep their partner from suspecting it,” says Leslie Doares, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of The Lasting Marriage Plan. “A cheater’s goal is not to get caught and then deal with the consequences. They try to make things work.”

At the same time, people tend to make judgments about their partners based on their own prior beliefs, says psychologist and psychoanalyst Paul Coleman, author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is One Piece. So if you tend to be a trusting person, it can be easy to mistake subtle signs of cheating for more innocuous red flags.

Look out for these warning signs below; Noticing just one might not be a guarantee of an unfaithful partner, but if you check off a few on this list, it might be time for a sensitive chat. After all, if they have nothing to hide, they should be happy to assuage your fears.

They are suddenly unreachable.

Again, change is the biggest factor. If your partner has a job that makes it difficult to contact him at certain times of the day, it doesn’t mean he’s cheating. But if you used to be able to, and suddenly you can’t reach them, and it’s a persistent problem, that should raise a red flag.

“Cheaters need privacy and uninterrupted time,” Coleman points out. “Anyone involved in a regular case should not be able to be contacted from time to time.” After all, they don’t want you to risk hearing suspicious voices or background noises.

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